New Family Member

This post isn't about adoption, it's about family which is what an adoption is all about.

Here is the newest member of our family -- Our first granddaughter:)

From Lily

Summer 2009 -- Ukraine

(Double click to make the images larger)

Memories

Tonight I watched a little girl playing with stickers and found myself thinking back. One day I bought as many little notebooks and stickers I could find and took them to the kids at the orphanage. There was one little boy who got upset a little and I sat there and watched him pull stickers and stick them in his notebook, while he sniffed and wiped his eyes. It was something special to him. He wanted my approval on what he had done. His name was Losha, but I called him my Tic Tac buddy, because I took him Tic Tacs every day until I began to worry about his teeth. I thought how bad this boy needs someone to care about him.
On my wall in my bedroom I have an 8x10 picture of my closest friend there, Tonya and her little brother, Aundrey. Tonya will age out of the system very soon and she is in my prayers daily. I also have a picture of my girl, Nastia. This picture was taken with a cheap camera one of the kids gave me to develop pictures. She is laying on her cot and you can see the loneliness and despair of this child. Those of you who have been there know from experience.

Papa Dennis

No More Walls

I have known Tamara for almost three years now. We hosted her twice and have spent time with her at the orphanage. She has never let me be close to her. I have gotten a lot of rejection and had decided to just accept her as she is. Well, last Saturday the girls went to a birthday party for one of the adoptive children in Houston here. On the way home Toma decided to have one of her pity parties. We have always accepted it, but she has been one of the family for almost two months now, so June did what a mother usually does, and fussed at her. When I got home, Toma described what had happened. It was cute. I believe June disciplining her made her feel more a part of the family. It seems to have broken down the last wall separating Toma and her Papa. She has been more a part of the family and more receptive to her Papa. This is a Toma I have never met. We have had some concerns about attachment issues, but it seems things are going better. I have a friend who died several years ago. When you would ask him how he was doing, his reply was always, "Better and better".

Today June visited with a family who is leaving for Ukraine soon. She gave them the phone we used on our trip. There are so many memories and friends that come to mind. We called Ukraine the other morning and talked to a dear friend we made while there, Brother Vacili. In a way I wish we were going back. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of the people there.

Another Papa Post

I am having to get used to the new affectionate Toma. We all went to Wall-Mart tonight and Miss Toma insisted on walking with me holding hands. Karina was affectionate with me from day one, but Toma has pretty much, until just recently, given me the universal--"talk to the hand." I never expected her to pursue my affection. I don't know how to be affectionate to Toma. I can tell she is trying, and best of all I can see she is more relaxed and happy. Of course making your sister jealous is fun also. Toma is less dependent on Karina for everything, and there is a little more time for Mama and Papa.

Papa Dennis

Settling In

I think Toma and I are getting used to each other. Sometimes she will lean on me, the way kids do, but it tells me she is accepting me and her new family. I look at her and see a teenage girl. She has grown so much since we first met her back in 2007.
Toma's glasses will be here next week. I saw the Doc at work and he stressed how bad her astigmatism was. She is almost fourteen and has never worn glasses, even as bad as her eyesight is. You can't learn if you can't see.

Papa Dennis

Three Weeks Home.

I noticed June has not made a post. Things are progressing better than I had hoped for. Little by little, Toma is becoming part of the family and is even growing closer to her Papa. I bought a car from Midland County, and took an overnight trip to pick it up. When I got home, I could tell she had actually missed me. Y E S! A good thing. Today we took a drive in our old, new car and had lunch specials at the Mexican Restaurant. Miss Karina has not reached two years with us yet. She too is still adjusting and beginning to understand that she does not control the universe. Besides, that job has been taken for years by my first born daughter.

17 Days Home

It has been over two weeks now. Last night I think we had a breakthrough with our new daughter, Tamara. She has not been completely happy and we believe she has been testing us. A few days ago during her late night anxiety time, she said she wasn't my daughter and I wasn't her father. She also wanted to go back to the orphanage. Not exactly what you want to hear. Karina was so much easier for me. Toma has never been close to me at all. I get a corporate hug when I get home from work and that is it.
Last night we had a slight confrontation and later she came to me and hugged me and told me she was sorry, and she loved me. It wasn't the corporate hug I am used to and consider it a milestone. Today she seems to be more relaxed. I think maybe she is starting to trust us just a little. How can this little girl believe that this new family is forever, when all she has ever known is abandonment and disappointment? She is making progress.

Papa

Day 3 at Home

It is absolutely weird how much Tamara and June are alike. They look alike and that is only the beginning. I don't want to get in trouble, so I will stop there. I took the girls to the community pool yesterday. That is the most fun thing in the world and a must for a new sister. I tried to enjoy the moment and have been trying to become an American again. You try to focus on the here and now, but find your thoughts wandering to where you were and who you left behind. Our friend Rhonda is still in S-town and has had a hard time with her adoption.
I learned today that the fifteen year old girl I befriended has had a disturbing past. When I offered my phone that day to call her mother, I wondered why she didn't want to. When my dear friend was younger, her mother prostituted her to boyfriends. One thing that made me feel better about TA was that she had a mother. I left thinking TA and her brother would age out of the system and live with mama. I don't think that she and her younger brother have much of a chance for adoption. The other girls consider her mean and have nothing to do with her. That is the reason she became my friend. The last day we visited the orphanage, I gave her self addressed, stamped envelopes, so she could write us. I hope she knows there is someone who cares.
Papa Dennis

Doma

It was a traumatic experience flying home from Ukraine. Delta and JFK airport in New York tried to kill us. Today I woke to find that little has changed. It will take a while to recover from seven weeks in Ukraine. We have the experience of living in a foreign country and becoming comfortable with the way of life there. I did enjoy living in that smaller town where almost everyone is your equal. Most people do not own a car and are comfortable riding the very reliable bus system. That is what we did most of the time. We joined the foot traffic on the sidewalks or jumped on one of the buses. In the summer there are outdoor bars everywhere. That is the thing you notice first. So many people are carrying beer everywhere you go, even if it is nine in the morning. I did see some abuse, but we did live behind one of the local outdoor bars.

I met a Brother I did not know I had. He worked security where we stayed. Our apartment was part of a larger store, loading dock, disco, restaurant, and beer tent/bar. He invited us to tea at his house and we went to church with him and his family. I will miss my friend, Vacili.

Today is quiet here. Someone wants to ride bicycles, but I have to recover from the trip. I can tell she is trying. I waited until we were completely through customs in New York before I told her firmly that she doesn't tell me, "I don't want to." That was her favorite thing to say to me. I wasn't mean and she understood, but I did get the LOOK that teenage girls are good at. I think she is beginning to understand that we do care about her. It seems the less I try, the closer she lets herself get to her new dad.

Papa Dennis

Home

Home is such a wonderful word. It carries much more meaning than just those four letters. I have never been so glad to be home! Ukraine is an experience that we will never forget, but NO place is better than home:)

In Kiev (Again:)

The last few days have been so busy, I can't even recall everything we did right now. We did get the next day passport, barely. We did get the train tickets, barely. We did make it to the Embassy today, barely. We did get Tamara to the medical center, barely. We do get the visa tomorrow (Friday) at two o'clock and fly out Saturday morning! YYAAAYYY!! We are so ready to be home. Then again, it was so hard leaving the kids behind.

Saturday -- 3; Sunday -- 2

Okay, I know. It's getting boring now. All we can do is visit the orphanage and wait. Tomorrow will be our last visit to the orphanage except for Tuesday when we get our daughter out for good!

I liked the cabbage rolls so much at the little cafe that I tried some from the grocery store deli. They weren't as good since they were filled with rice instead of meat. Now I know to ask for the ones filled with ground meat.

Can't wait to have our busy days starting on Tuesday!:)

Friday -- 4

The countdown is still on. Yes, S, I know you're counting with me;)

Got passport pictures today. I finally was able to try to cabbage rolls at a little cafe today.

Thursday -- 5

We're more than halfway through with the waiting period!! YAY!!

I guess today was a boring day. Went to the orphanage by bus. No detours;) Ate lunch, went home. Now, I'm at the internet. When I'm through we'll have to talk about what to have for supper.

I'm finding that my two years of typing I took in high school are paying off quite a bit here, especially today. The letters on the keyboard I'm using are totally gone:0

Tuesday -- 7; Wednesday -- 6

It is so hard to believe that the days are passing so quickly now!

We had a scenic bus tour of our town today. In other words, we got on the wrong bus:o Dennis and I were just sitting there knowing we would end up in the downtown area or 'the kamens' (commons) as they call it here, but Karina was actually panicked. Yesterday, we took 101a home instead of 101. It took a small jag off the usual straight track home, so Dennis thought it would be okay to ride into town. Normally, 101 takes us straight down the road, turns the corner in the commons area, then we get off to wait for the second bus or marshrutka. When Dennis saw 101a, he thought it would take that same little jag and cut back over. Well, it didn't. It went down another parallel street, past the big downtown market, then it kept going. We've figured out that the bus that goes on the orphanage street, just makes a big circle and comes by our usual stop every hour. We thought this bus would do the the same. It does, but takes a much, much larger circle. We got to see the very opposite edge of town from where we are staying. When all the passengers had gotten off, we were the last three on. The bus driver opened the door, looked back at us like, 'aren't you getting off?' The guy taking the money asked something in Russian. He asked Karina where we got on at. That really didn't matter, it was where we needed to go that was more important. Come to find out, they stopped at this stop for about 10 minutes, then they were going back to town. Karina was very panicked when they were talking to her. She tends to add things that we don't tell her or guess what needs to be told to them on her own without asking us. She has also left out things people tell us. She really is very good at going back and forth between English and Russian especially considering she has only been home with us a year, but she is still a child and doesn't think at all like an adult. The guys ended up being okay with us staying on, but we had to pay again. We were happy to pay. Twenty six cents apiece for a tour of the town isn't bad at all!;)

Monday -- Day 8

The countdown is still on!

The kids left for 'moray', the ocean or Black Sea today. I believe they are going to be gone for a month. It was a happy occasion, but sad for us and some of our little friends who knew we wouldn't see them and they wouldn't see us again. We had a couple of our little friends follow us to the bus stop. Hugs were given all around when the marshrutka came. It will be very quiet at the orphanage when we visit tomorrow. There will only be our daughter, another girl who has court with her new adoptive parents on Wednesday and a handful of the 8 class. We've been told there wasn't enough money for tickets for the older class, so they will go on a trip after the other children get back. Of course, this may not be exactly the whole truth. Sometimes we only get portions of it at a time.

We've become pretty proficient at riding the bus around here. We've been riding either the bus or marshrutka, whichever comes first and has room, home from the orphanage for a few weeks now. Not every day at first, but just about every day last week. We have learned that the bus comes at 1pm, which is the perfect time for us and it is usually almost empty. All the marshrutkas tend to be full. The bus is cheaper by 25kopecs, but people seem to prefer the marshrutkas. I don't know why. They don't hold as many people. I've seen a marshrutka filled to the brim with people standing up.

Today was the first day we rode the bus to the orphanage. It went smoothly. We have been watching the route numbers and have the routes we need figured out. We take one route number to and from the orphanage and another number down from a certain stop down to our apartment. We have to cross the street to take the second bus. The only problem we have is that the route to our apartment is extremely busy. All the buses and marshrutkas are very full. We usually watch 5 or 6 route 101 vehicles pass by before we find one that has some seats. We were very blessed all the way around to find seats in all four of the vehicles we took. Sometimes we have to stand on the bus to the apartment.

I want to put something else in before I forget. Outside cafes are very popular here in the summer. We didn't see any in the winter and they seem to put them any place they can fit. One area looked a little more permanent, but there are no tables in the winter. One good thing is that the disco areas are outside under the tent. No more vibrating walls in our apartment:0 You can still hear the music until about 11pm, but apparently we've gotten used to it. The more permanent area I mentioned earlier, serves food. A limited menu, but we can get 'boot-ir-brahts', salads, drink, etc. We eat lunch there frequently. They serve you a glass with your bottled drink. We were sitting there one day, when Karina told us her glass broke. Come to find out, she had the side in her mouth and bit on it! It's a wonder she didn't cut her mouth all up. We had to pay eight greevna for the glass. I told her she wouldn't get her daily ice cream because the money went for the glass she broke. She is having just a little regression behavior wise because of being around all the kids at the orphanage. We are hoping she will get better now that only a few children will be there.

The Countdown has Officially Started!

Saturday - 10; Sunday - 9

It doesn't seem possible that we are finally to the last days before going home. Court was exactly one month after our SDA appointment. It didn't seem like our court appearance lasted as long as the first one. They didn't ask us near as many questions as when we adopted Karina, but they asked Tamara a lot of questions. Probably because she told us 'no' the first time. She did very well, though. She calmly answered the questions and it was obvious that she definitely wanted to come with us this time. Of course that made us feel good. The prosecutor said that she was satisfied that our decision to adopt Tamara was well thought out because we came back to adopt her. It probably helped that we met her two years ago and still kept in contact. I'm really glad she didn't ask us a lot of questions. She seemed very stern the first time, but was much more relaxed this time. The thought crossed my mind that we might be turned down to adopt Karina because of all the questions. I'm sure it helped Tamara make her decision when she visited us at Christmas and saw that she would keep in touch with several of her friends that have been adopted. We keep in touch regularly with two of their friends. We go to their birthday parties and vice versa. The others, we see as much as possible, but they live so far away and we all have such busy lives. I've heard that all Tamara's friends are all excited that she is coming to America. We'll have to have a big reunion with them again!

As for us, it looks like we will visit the orphanage every day until Tuesday, July 21. Yes, I have already counted the days. It works out perfectly because one of the offices we need to go to is closed on Mondays. So, first thing Tuesday morning, the judge has already informed her assistant that she is to have our court decree ready for us. We will then go to the birth certificate office here in the same town, then after that, we will go the the passport office, still in the same town. We have learned that they have some of the old passport forms here in this region, so we have decided to pay the fee to have the one day passport. Tamara has a passport already and the director says she has it. We had trouble with Karina's passport because the director lost her passport. The director had to go to the police office and file a stolen passport report. I think that took a couple of days. Then, later we learned that they lost either all or some of Karina's paperwork. We don't want to wait a month like we did for Karina's passport. We are ready to go home. Please pray that all goes smoothly and quickly and we are flying out of Kiev at the end of that week.

PS - For those who know her, we met K's mom today at the bus stop. We rode on the same marshrutka. We were very pleased to meet her and glad that she is trying everything she can to get all her rights re-established. We feel that K will have somewhere to live once she ages out. K's brother rode the marshrutka with his mom. He looked good. He had on much better clothes than any of the orphans wear.

Court a Success!

We had our court appearance today. The judge did us a favor and had the two appearances in one day. We now have a new member of our family, Tamara Gabriella:) She picked out her middle name after an actress in High School Musical. That was okay with us. Made it easier. I wish I could post pictures, but that will have to wait until we get home.

Our actual court time was about 45 minutes or so. Then we stayed afterwards while the judge served champagne, chocolates, candy and cookies. (Yes, we had the same judge Nat, though her hair is shorter.)

Tamara was unwavering in saying that she wanted us to adopt her. We tried to adopt her a year and a half ago when we adopted Karina, but she believed her aunt when she was told the aunt would adopt her. Since she turns 14 this year, and learned that we still wanted to adopt her, she decided to come with us. She had her mind made up when she visited our house last Christmas.

We did find something else out. Her mother died. We are assuming the mom died after we were here last. Tamara told Karina last Christmas that her Grandmother had died, but we knew nothing about the mother. So, she is truly an orphan, though she was put in the orphanage as a social orphan. No knowledge of the dad.

I guess we didn't want to relax until court was over because we had been rejected once. Now it is official, to an extent. The aunt still lives in this town, so there is a possibility that she might try to do something, though she has no rights. Please pray that doesn't happen.

PS - Even though most of the children are leaving for camp on Monday, Tamara and another girl, who is being adopted next week, are staying with a caregiver until they can officially leave with their new parents.

Two Days until Court

It's getting closer!:) Court is now the day after tomorrow! Tomorrow, I will take an outfit along with shoes to T. She was so excited when I told her that as we were leaving today.

Today, we brought all the hair things we brought for the girls. We also bought sheets of stickers to give out that were only a greevna a piece (about 15cents or less) Of course, we didn't have enough. I tried to get the point across that the boys got the stickers and the girls got hair things, but it was useless. We only found a few sheets of car stickers and that's what all the boys wanted. When we got back this afternoon, Dennis and Karina went looking for more stickers.

We saw the kids going to the school building with their bags getting clothes for camp. I think some must have gotten the clothes we brought because I found a sticker from a shirt on the ground. We were told yesterday that all the children got a new pair of shoes for camp, but they were saving them and wearing their old, torn shoes right now. They all were thanking T and us for bringing them. They've told us that they will be leaving on Monday for camp at the Black Sea. The Assistant Director said we should join them. We'd rather go home. All four of us.

4 days until Court!

We're down to court being four days away! It was a long drawn out time getting here. What I'm going to say may be the bad side of orphanage life that many don't see. Maybe we saw it more because we've been here before and we already knew the kids somewhat plus we have someone with us who has lived with these same children and understands Russian and English. We hosted T twice. Last Christmas and two years ago just after Christmas. When T returned after the last visit, she was invited to 'room' with the girls in the 8 class. T was only in the 6 class. It was because she had things that the other girls didn't have from America. We could see when we first came that there were a lot of 'games' being played. Things were said about me. Lots of things were said about Karina and other girls in the orphanage. I could tell, even though I didn't understand what they were saying that the big girls were sticking their noses in our business. It finally built up to making Karina cry one day. Just after that, we learned that one teacher had come back from her vacation and made T move out of the big girls' room. It made such a difference. We were already under a lot of stress with having to stay here so long and other things that had happened at home. We needed God to intervene and he did!

We finally found a skirt for T to wear to court. It is so very hard to find clothes for girls over ten and under adult age. The skirt we bought was probably an adult skirt, but with how short they wear them and how skinny the ones are that wear the short skirts, it should fit her fine. She's very hard to fit in jeans because she's just a little chunky, but very short for a 13 year old. She'll love this skirt. It has a big fancy belt buckle on it. We also bought some pink sandals for her. Pink is her favorite color. I had shirts and shorts that I brought her, so we were covered there.

The rest of the kids are leaving for camp on Sunday or Monday. They will be going to the Black Sea, but I don't know where. A few teachers are staying at the orphanage with the children who have parents until those parents can pick them up. I guess the shorter camp was cheaper or they found a sponsor. We are hoping that T can just go ahead and stay with us during the 10 day. We'll just have to wait and see.

4th of July

Well, today is the 4th of July, but you sure can't tell it in Ukraine. I'm sure we won't see any fireworks tonight. They don't even have watermelons here! I love watermelon, but I never thought I would miss it or the fireworks so much. It's amazing how you can take those little things for granted until you don't have them.

One Week Until Court!

Our court date is one week from today. We thought it would never come, but now it is almost upon us.

We don't do very exciting things. We visit the orphanage every day in the morning. We have gone shopping at the large market a few times looking for shoes and used clothing for the kids. Shoes are fairly cheap, but also not great quality. Someone gave us some money to buy things for the kids, so we are trying to spend it up. We can buy a lot with it. We also brought a good bit of donations with us as well. Now that we've donated all the shoes and clothing that I had collected, we're down to all our belongings fitting into one large suitcase. We brought three large suitcases, two duffels and Karina had a backpack. We were so glad to get rid of our load. We've bought over 60 pairs of shoes and I don't know how many shorts, skirts and shirts for around $300.

The kids really need the shoes and clothes. Most of the boys' shoes barely cover their feet. some of the boys have no shoe under their toes. The little boys wear thick underwear as shorts. Some have holes in their shirts.

One thing they do have to look forward to is three above ground pools of various sizes. The kids have the pools for something to do since there wasn't enough money to send them to camp this summer. About 10-12 kids get in the big pool for maybe five minutes at a time. They can't do much with that many children in the pool. But they have fun anyway. Many times when it's not swimming time, an adult caregiver will have to come and fuss at a couple of kids that have gotten in the pool without permission. Can you tell I sit on a bench for about 3 hours and watch what goes on?;) After a while, you just have to learn to relax here and just enjoy your stay.

Well, that's pretty much how we spend our time at the orphanage. The other part of the day, we find places to walk. Today, we rode the marshrutka from the orphanage into town. We ate at our little pelemini cafe again. This time, we had just pelmini instead of fancy pelmini soup with mushrooms, dill and sour cream. It was good and cheap! The three of us ate for 31 greevna, with drinks. That's a little over $4 total.

Amusement Ukrainian Style

Today, we skipped going to the orphanage to go to the only park in town. In winter and even in Spring, it is pretty much empty, but this time of year, it seems like everyone in town is at this park! There are several rides, cars to drive (like bumper cars, but they don't let you bump each other)and those big balloon jumping things. This is our third time to go. Karina always wants to go to the jumping things. I think she has a goal of trying to talk us into so many rides each time we go. Last time, just Dennis and Karina rode the ferris wheel. This time, I rode it. I realized it was going so slow that I agreed to go this time. The only scary part was that it takes you so high and the wind was very strong. Sometimes the wind blows so hard you'd think you were on the Gulf.

We usually get cotton candy because it is only 5 greevna, but this time we ate. They served the same food that we had eaten at the restaurant in the same complex. (There is a disco, hotel, restaurant, outside restaurant that serves shish-kabobs and this other outside eatery in the same park) Other than the cushy seats, the food was the same as served in the restaurant, but cheaper. The three of us ate for around $7! We ate 'kutlyeta Kyivskee', 'kartoful free'(aka - french fries) and 'Gryeshkee salat' plus a bottled drink apiece.

We've also found a little outside cafe right in the complex where we are staying. We've eaten lunch there twice. The three of us have gotten a 'bootirbradt', 'salat' and drinks for a little over $5.

We did also buy a one burner hot plate and deep skillet with a lid, so we can cook sometimes. The other day, when we took our long 3 hour walk, we did stop at the bank and a little cafe for pelemini soup. It was very good, but also very hot! It was served with dill, mushrooms, sour cream and of course, pelemini. It was a little more expensive than our other places. It was more like $10 for all of us to eat. With my new hot plate, I cooked pelemini for a $1 for enough for all of us to get full:) It was really good, too!

We have so many more options now that we have the hot plate and the new places we've found to eat. We'll have to find places to walk, though, so I won't gain weight from all the good food!

Waiting

Today we visited T as usual. After, we decided not to call a taxi, but walk a little bit towards town. We walked all the way back to the apartment. It was my idea to keep going. We stopped and ate lunch at a bar/restaraunt Karina suggested.
The food was good, but I think it makes a better bar than a restaraunt.

At the city park, there were taxis there. No! Not when we are so close. Well, within a mile and a half anyway. I looked at it as an adventure. The girls didn't agree with that, something about needing the bath room. We left the orphanage at 1:30 and it was well after 4:00 when we got to the apartment. Maybe I am just a little crazy, but I'm not dangerous. It was fun.

Every day T seems to accept me just a little more. I am relieved to see a little progress. I hug her and give her a kiss on top of the head. I told her today that I would always do that, and she gave me a smile.

Papa

We Have Our Court Date

Boys and girls. Take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice.

Our court date is July 10th. We had planned to go home after receiving such good news.This morning we looked at air fare. We did some math and decided to go home for almost two weeks. Anyone who has been here knows nothing is simple. We have train tickets to Kiev. Air was faster, but not available. We find out our travel agent who gets us the good deals is on vacation. The "good" judge is on vacation also. That is why we have a July 10th court date. So, back to the internet to find round trip tickets. That would have been a simple task if we could charge a minimum of 3,800 for plane tickets. With the cost of air fare and the amount of time we would be home, we have decided to stay in beautiful S-town.
We bought our facilitator a fair well City Pizza dinner and sent him home tonight.June says she isn't upset over the last two days, but Papa knows better. I'm going to buy minutes for the phone and stop off at the beer tent before heading home.

Papa

Holding Pattern

Right now, we are just waiting until Tuesday when our facilitator gets back. We are supposed to find out when court will be. We already know it won't be before the first part of July. We just visit the orphanage every day from 10am until 1pm. The rest of the day, we just try to find things to keep us busy. One day doesn't seem any different from the rest.

At the orphanage, I usually just sit on a bench outside watching the kids. I've started eating sunflower seeds for something to do to pass the time. The packages are cheap and we can share them with the kids. Dennis walks to the closest little store every visit. We see pretty much the same children every day. Many of the children are part of sibling groups of at least four or more. One little girl who we thought had two younger sisters, really has three. She always says 'hi' to me and has given me pictures that she's drawn. It's sad to think that all these children want a family so bad, but there are not many people willing to take on large sibling groups. Until the year we adopted, not many children had been adopted from this orphanage. All the children we are seeing now have no family to stay with during the summer. It is a smaller group than what is usually here during the rest of the year. What will happen to them when they age out? Where will they go? It's hard not to think about that when we see them every day.

A Post From Papa

It is hard for me to take what I feel and put it in print. We visit the orphanage every day. T and K talk and play. I do not relate well with T. Yesterday and today T gave me a hug. That is progress.
The weather is nice. I sit outside and talk and smile at the kids. My new friend's name starts with a T also, so I will call her TF. As June said there is another couple that came today to adopt a teenage girl. TF had a little break down and cried. She can speek some English and I got her to tell me that she misses her mother. I suppose her seeing T and L getting adoptive families is hard for her. After the tears, she told me that maybe a coke from the little store nearby would help. The orphanage is more in the country and the walk to the store is relaxing. There are cherry trees along the road with cherries turning red. Something I have never seen. It is beautiful to me.
Today the kids were filling a swimming pool. They brought out the fire hose to fill the pool. Now I know why there is no water in the apartment. I watched them drink that dirty water comming out of the hose and thought what it would do to me.

If I could stop time and stay here for twenty years, I think I would. Like the movie "Harvey". I could stay for a while and return without a second of time passing. But reality is only a phone call away. My sons were out and had car trouble with the family car. I was proud of my sons repairing the car and taking care of their dad from half a world away. Ha-rah-shoh sim-yah.

I have said that I feel closer to God when I am here. This second trip makes me realize that He is always there, I just need His strength more when I am here.

Papa Dennis

Differences

The first time we were here, it was freezing. Temperatures got down to minus 10 and 11 Fahrenheit. Both of us have always lived on the Gulf Coast, so this was a shock to us! It rarely snows where we live, much less gets under freezing.

This visit is very different. There are actually green plants everywhere. We saw gardens in almost every open space near homes along the train tracks. People are planting flowers everywhere. There were a couple of hot, humid days here, but since the rain a couple of days ago, it has been cool. One night it was even cool enough for a jacket. That never happens at home during the summer!

T looks forward to visiting with us every day. There were a couple of days she didn't want to hug Papa, but we found out that the kids tease her. Today, though, as we were all getting into the taxi, she asked Papa for a hug. We also found out that one of the teachers was giving her a hard time for staying with us instead of eating.

There is another girl here getting adopted by a couple who live in our state. We will probably keep in touch with them. She and T are singing buddies.

Another thing I've noticed that is different from what many adoptive parents have said is that the women here wear every color imaginable. I like wearing capris in the summer and I have seen many wear them here. Though, they are much tighter than I would wear mine! Shoes are bright colors as well and they don't necessarily match the clothes, but they do have to match the purse. lol I've also seen striped shirts with print pants. Combinations I wouldn't put together. Also, the brighter the colors, the better. Summer dress is the opposite of winter dress.

Trying to Establish a Routine

We are finally getting our bearings around here. At first it seemed like it took forever to do anything. Finding food is a major undertaking. There are many, many places to buy food, but they all carry something different. We like Coke Light. Only a few places have it. We DON'T like bologna, but we try to find the best quality and will eat it in pinch. All places have bologna. lol Chicken is our first choice, but you can't find chicken lunch meat. We can buy a whole rotisserie chicken at a little place called the 'Chicken Grille' That is all they sell. The chicken is very good. We can also buy chicken kabobs at the supermarket, but three kabobs are almost as much as a whole chicken. Our next choice of meat is ham or 'veecheenah'. The quality of that varies. It isn't really any more expensive than the salami or 'kielbasa' you find everywhere here. We can find lots to eat, but all of it gets boring when you are trying to find enough to eat for three meals every day and are limited to just a hot pot.

We go to the orphanage every day from 10am until 1pm. We do look forward to seeing all our little friends. Yesterday, we came as they were all washing the rugs. That was a pretty good way to keep them all busy and wear them out. lol The orphanage has an above ground pool that 10 kids at a time can swim in after their afternoon nap. They have to wait until there is someone to supervise them. They were using the water in the pool to wash and rinse the rugs. This soon became a contest as to who could dump the most water on whom.

The orphanage is down in numbers right now because it is summer and many of the children are with their parents or other relatives. It is hard to understand why they stay in the orphanage if they have relatives. Our facilitator stated the same thing. He doesn't understand either and this is his country. He said even if they are poor, they should be able to find a way to make it work. The orphanage is really not referred to as an orphanage here. They call it an internat or boarding school. Many families here are single mothers with many children in the family. One girl told us she is the only girl in the family with five brothers. I think that is why. This orphanage has many large sibling groups. Alcohol abuse is another reason. If parents are found neglectful, their rights are terminated. The sad thing is that the majority don't take steps to have their rights re-instated.

S-Town

We have settled in in S-town. All is well and T and everyone seems happy. We visit in the morning with T and the other children. We have been staying outside to visit and we can see the other kids also. My little sweetie N had a birthday this week. She turned twelve. We took her a card and gift and some cake things for the kids. It rips a hole in my heart every time I spend time with those kids. They all come by to check things out, but then there are our friends who stay to spend time with us.
The courtyard is big and most is paved. They ride bicycles, kick balls, and just hang around.

They did not have the funds to send them to camp this year so they have little to do. P is the most friendly of the boys. He won an award for his drawings and ran in three different times to show us drawings and projects he had done. P is fifteen and appears to be maybe twelve. He is always laughing and always glad to see us and likes to spend time with the cab driver.

Part of me had rather not get to know these kids any better. If you know they are here, but you don't know who they are, it is easier not to care. But if you spend time with them, and you are sitting here with candy in your pocket that they have insisted you take from them, then it's not as easy not to care.

Papa Dennis

Crazy Busy

Yesterday, we were sitting here at the internet place when the lady in charge decided to turn off all the computers because of lightning. They have four new computers for the internet. They are so much nicer than the old slow ones they had last year. I had a terrible time last year typing for any length of time with the old keyboards.

Anyway, we have been kept very busy ever since our SDA appointment on Wednesday morning at 9am. Things went very well. We received our referral the same evening, then raced off to catch the train. We met a couple from Mississippi and saw another couple we met on the plane. They had their SDA appointment the day before, but had to wait for their referral because the lady who signs them was off on Tuesday.

Now, on to the news, I'm sure you're waiting to hear. We arrived in S-town at 8:50 am. We were met by our friend's taxi driver and another taxi because we had too much luggage. Eighty percent of our luggage is shoes, clothes and toys for the kids. We grew to know and love so many of these kids during our last visit, that we just had to bring them some things. I thought we had agreed to wait until the last to give them their toys, but Dennis is so anxious to give the toys to them, he said we would take some tomorrow. We'll see. We love giving them things, but we can't bring them loads of stuff every day. They will come to expect it.

After departing the train, we drive to S-town and unload our stuff at our now very familiar apartment. They are ready for us with the keys. It looks exactly the same except I believe they did finally get a new mattress for that extremely saggy bed. It had two valleys on each side with a hill in the middle. LOL We then drive to the inspector's office. I recognize her right away. It took her a few minutes to realize who we were even after she saw Karina. Karina had grown and changed so much in the last year. The facilitator, Dennis, Karina and I squeeze into the back seat of this oh-so-little-car with the inspector in the front seat. Anyone who's been here knows what I'm talking about. The director is not in today, so we meet with the assistant director, N, and the head of the teachers along with T. T is excited to see us all. If you knew her, you would definitely know this is very good. She is very shy. They are telling us all the good things about her. She is then asked to write a statement that she wants to be adopted by us and go to America. The inspector asked her to do this so that she won't have to make another visit to the orphanage. She writes a paper with the proper wording and signs her last name. This is so much better than the first time we arrived in December 2007. T was very stand-offish and told everyone she didn't know whether she wanted to come with us and wanted 2 days to think about it. This time, though, we told her we needed to decide on her new middle name. She will keep her first name. Karina came on this trip to be our interpreter, but at this moment she was busy talking to some of the other kids. T does her little pouty face and I don't understand why. I was afraid she was wanting to change her mind. What she wanted was to tell Karina what she had decided her middle name should be. Gabriella. She wanted the name of a High School Musical character. We are thrilled because this means she has been thinking about it!:) She is anxious to come. She's afraid her aunt will interfere. We have told her that this is her decision. She has all the say. Of course, we want her to come, but only if it is really what she wants. And it is!:)

A Trip to Remember

Well, I originally wanted a catchier title than the regular, 'we are in Kiev or Hello from Kiev'. We are here, but not without a ton of 'excitement'. The first leg of our flight was very normal. Nothing unexpected. We arrived at JFK, found things to do to pass the time, walked around, found out where our gate was supposed to be, ate lunch at a somewhat expensive Chili's in the airport, then settled in the waiting area of our 'supposed' gate to watch planes. We later find out that we needed to be at another gate. Karina found a 'babushka' to talk to. She wanted to practice her English. She helped another lady figure out how to dial the phone since she only spoke Russian. Then, it was time to board the plane. Everything went like all normal flights were supposed to go, until about midnight New York time, 5am London time. So, you should be saying, 'why did she mention London?' Well, it seems that our flight crew decided to make an unexpected landing in London. One attendant said there were electrical issues, then the captain came on the loud speaker and said there was some oil leaking out of engine number one. Of course, they didn't want around 150 or so passengers panicking, but they sure landed that plane fast! The captain said that since it was 5am in London, no repair crew was available to fix our plane, so we sat for a while and waited. Then they told us that we would be staying the night at the Holiday Inn there and leaving the next morning. That was somewhat okay for us even though we had no phone or internet to communicate with anyone. There were two other families on the plane with SDA appointments the next morning, so they had to find a way out. They were exhausted once they arrived here, but the airline did find them a flight out that afternoon. They would have liked a direct flight like they booked, but at least they made it to their appointments.

Anyway, we are here in Kiev now at the internet cafe in Independence Square. We've walked around exploring and eaten a couple of meals. We are staying just around the corner from and have spent the evening with R.

I'll have to tell why I will never want to go through London again in another post so that I will remember:0

Morning Flight

We are flying to Kiev, Ukraine in the morning. It is here. June is right, I can't decide what to take. We have three check in bags, maybe four, that are right at fifty pounds each. The more you take as donations and gifts, the less room you have for your own clothes. You want to take the best for the kids and then have to cram your clothes in a carry on bag.

I must take my journal. Last trip it helped to write down what happened that day. You do a lot, and you see a lot, and some days are pretty darn emotional. I write what we have endured that day in my journal and then, just maybe, I can close my eyes at the end of the day. Sometimes not.

If there is anything anyone wants from Kiev or Stakhanov, let me know. How about a pair of pointy Ukraine shoes? Maybe a Ukraine disco CD?
S&T, I wish I could bring you a Premium Bologna pizza from City Pizza. Better yet, we'll just meet you there for pizza and piva.

Papa Dennis

Last Post Before We Arrive in Kiev

This will probably be the last time I will be able to post before we land in Kiev on Monday morning. I only have today and tomorrow to get everything done. We are almost all packed. Someone in our family procrastinates until the last moment, but we won't mention his name;) To be fair, though, he did give me most of his clothes last night, he just has to pick out a couple more things.

Well, I'm off now to finish up all the little detail things that need to be done before we are away from home for at least 4-6 weeks. Please pray it is closer to 4! We'll post again once we arrive in Kiev.

Dos-vah-don-yah!:)
(Goodbye)

Packing for Ukraine

We are leaving in less than two weeks!:) I can't believe it. This time around has been so fast compared to the first time two years ago. I can't believe it's been two years since we submitted our first dossier either. Things did take a lot longer then. It was almost seven months before our dossier was submitted, then our travel date was four months later. We waited for, it seemed like, forever for our date. I believe it was at least eight weeks. Then we had two months to prepare. This time around, our SDA appointment is right at four months after our home study visit. Talk about quick! Of course, when you are going through it, it seems like forever. lol

It is easier to pack this time. I definitely know what things are essentials and what are not. Packing light is definitely a priority, though we do have a large duffel filled with donations. I have been collecting some clothes and many shoes to take to the kids. I was able to find soccer slides, girls' house shoes and jelly shoes marked down. We are only taking three check-in bags and a carry-on a piece. Once we get rid of all the donations and gifts, we will be combining bags or giving some away so that we will be hauling around very little.

Some of the main essentials are:

a flat sink stopper
wash rags (these are non-existent in Ukraine)
an alarm clock
bungee cords (for hanging wet clothes on)
sewing kit
safety pins
medicines

We are taking just enough shampoo and soap to last the first few days we are there. We can find most basics there like shampoo, kleenex-type tissue and hand soap, etc. There is a particular brand of Ukrainian shampoo that someone left in one of our apartments that I liked. I am looking forward to buying that brand when we run out. I am taking two tubes of toothpaste (3-4 oz.) and our own deodorant, though.

We are really looking forward to going back to Ukraine!

We have our date!

We have our SDA appointment date of June 10! Two weeks from Sunday we will fly out of New York and head to Kiev for our second adoption. We certainly never thought that we would be doing this again just a year after bringing Karina home, but here we are, going after another thirteen year old girl.

We are really going

We are actually going back to Ukraine. A flood of worries--money, travel, missing work, SDA, more money, and more money. Then something I have chosen not to think about a lot--children
happy to see you that want your attention, some with dirty faces and worn shoes. I can see several children I know by name. I see the old man who is a caretaker with his thick glasses that always seems happy to see us. Karina says he buys them candy and things. I need to take him a gift.
All the worries of going fade with the thoughts of seeing it all again. It's like jumping off the high dive, it's scary, but you have done it before, and you know how cool it really is. I wasn't planning on returning this quickly, but I know it is for the best now. Also, I can't imagine considering this my last trip to Ukraine.

Papa Dennis

Dossier Complete!

Our dossier is now complete. This will change our status on the Pretre blog;) lol

As I type this post, our dossier is in the air headed to Kiev with our personal couriers. Please pray for the couriers. That they have a safe trip and a good SDA appointment on May 14. Also that the SDA accepts our dossier as is. It took a lot to get it done! And that the dossier gets registered soon with a submission date.

Papers in Hand!

I kept checking our tracking number for the return postage for our apostilled papers. Finally, last night showed some change! We received our papers in the mail today and the mail actually came early for once! I then went to Kinko's to check on FedEx to see how much it would cost and how long it would take to get to Kiev. I was very disappointed to find that the papers would not go out until Monday and arrive on Friday! Fortunately, we have some friends we met last weekend who are leaving on Monday for their May 14th SDA appointment. The airport is much closer to our house than their's so it won't be any problem to meet them there:)

This is so great of them to do this favor for us. Please pray for their appointment.

Waiting

Why do things take so long when you are just about finished and there is nothing else to do? I was able to get our I-171h a couple of days early, so I hurried, got the paper notarized and sent off to the Capitol the same day. I even splurged and bought overnight postage for the return envelope. Well, here it is 6 business days later and we're still waiting! Last time, it only took 4 business days to get our papers back and there were many more of them. I also only paid Priority postage the first time. I thought surely these few papers would get back quicker especially with Express postage!!! Now, I have to worry about whether they got lost in the mail. Then, if that happened these original one of a kind papers will have to be duplicated and sent to be apostilled, once again:0

I-171h Update

I've been exchanging emails with our local USCIS office. One of my friends suggested to ask for a faxed copy of our approval letter, another said to ask for an electronic copy. This was their response:

"Due to Personal Identifiable Information Protection we are no longer
able to send anything with your personal identification on it through
email or fax."

BUT -- "Your approval letter is ready for pickup today if you so desire."

I did so desire. It's a good thing the office isn't that far from my house. I made it barely in time. Mostly because I went to the wrong building first. It seems that you mail the I-1600a to one address and then it is forwarded to the proper department.

The most important thing is that the last of the dossier papers are at the post office on their way today to be apostilled!!!

I-171h Approved

Well, it will be two weeks tomorrow that we had our fingerprints taken, so I emailed our local USCIS office. An email came back saying we are approved and that we should receive our approval paperwork within the next two weeks. TWO WEEKS!! That seems like an eternity!:0 We have everything else done. Most of it is translated.

There are rumors about the government of Ukraine imposing a moratorium on adoptions soon. Then, some people with definite appointments to submit have had those dates moved to several months later. It's stress enough trying to do the paperwork to meet all these crazy changes that the State Department of Adoption is imposing without the added stress of waiting!

ONE YEAR HOME!

Today marks Karina's one year anniversary in America. We weren't home the whole day. We flew the good portion of it. If I remember right, we arrived at JFK around 4pm or so. We spent a few hours in the Atlanta airport where Karina slept a good bit. We landed in our home airport between 10:30 and 10:45pm, exhausted. At least I was. I can't sleep anywhere there is noise and stirring.
Karina has come a long way since that time. She knew very little English and probably nothing about having parents or siblings. I still don't know how much she still doesn't know about that, but she seems to be settled in. She has made a complete transformation from where she was a year ago. We know several Russian and Ukrainian adoptees and it amazes me how they totally change over time. How they can totally assimilate into American culture.

I never thought back then, that we would be thinking of going back already!

Fingerprints DONE!

We did the last thing we needed to do for our dossier this morning, take fingerprints. Now we wait for the I-171h, have it apostilled, then off to Ukraine to finish up our dossier:)

Today's the Day!

The day we received our fingerprint letter anyway:) It has taken 4 weeks to arrive. Now that we have this letter in hand, we can go to the nearest fingerprint facility for USCIS and have our fingerprints taken. Our oldest son has to go also since he is 20 now and lives with us.

Once our prints are taken, it should only take about two weeks to receive our I-171h. That is the final paper for our dossier!

Oh, another thing. The bulk of our dossier was mailed to Ukraine last Wednesday. According to the tracking on the USPS website, our package left Chicago on an International dispatch yesterday. Hopefully, we will be receiving an email from our facilitator soon that our package has arrived.

Music fixed on 2nd Video

The music has been replaced on our second video. If you've ever been to Ukraine, you will recognize the 'style'. If you are going, this is the 'disco' type music you can expect to hear, though with Russian words to it.

Announcement

Well, I guess it's about time to announce that we are going to Ukraine for a second adoption. If anyone is still following, you were given a hint a couple of posts ago. We have been busy starting the process again the past couple of months. Today, I mailed a big packet of documents off to be apostilled. Not everything, because we are waiting on our fingerprint letter from USCIS and our updated home ownership letter, but a nice thick envelope of papers. There was almost not enough room to fit a prepaid soft priority envelope and the money order in there! There are only two documents left. The home ownership letter was done today, but the notary didn't think about her stamp shortening the life of our document. It will make the paper expire in less than 6 months instead of a year. You have to watch those things. Anyway, we should receive our fingerprint letter this week or next week at the latest. Our area is pretty quick about those things. We received our I-171h within 2 weeks of taking prints for our first adoption.

There have been some major changes to the dossier. Most things are the same with minor details, but the things that have changed are more difficult to obtain. These new documents have to meet very specific requirements. I fretted about a couple of them, but our facilitator we chose helped narrow things down to make them easier. Plus we have some great friends to help us:)

Things are going so quickly this time it's amazing! We had our home study in hand around a month after our home visit. That was lightning speed! Our Social Worker is the sweetest lady. She was so helpful. We are also going independent this time which is so much less expensive. Of course, we've been through this once, so many things are familiar which has helped things go faster as well. It took us 4 months to get our home study in hand after starting, 8 months to get our dossier submitted (bundle of required paperwork for Ukriaine) and 10 months to get to Ukraine for our SDA appointment. This time, it took a little over a month to get our completed home study, two months to get our dossier together (about the same as last time) and our papers should be in Ukraine before the end of April, three months after starting! We don't know how long it will take to get a submission date, but many families are traveling within 3-4 weeks of being submitted. That is super fast considering we didn't learn our travel date last time until 2 months after being submitted!

We are going to try to adopt the little girl who told us 'no' when we adopted Karina. She came and visited us during Christmas for a little over 2 weeks. She is older and a little more mature. I think she regrets her decision to stay. We'll see. It was very devastating when she refused to come with us. But she still called us Mama and Papa the whole time we were in Ukraine. She acted like she changed her mind just before we left, so we decided to give her another chance and brought her here for Christmas. She will be 14 on her next birthday. Children 'age out' of the orphanage at the end of the school year after they turn 16. So, she doesn't have too many years and there are not many choices for girls as far as careers go.

We are praying she says yes, but prepared for if she says no. We won't come home empty handed.

First Birthday in America

Karina turned 13 years old on March 5. Her first birthday celebrated in America. Last year, she was in Ukraine on her birthday, while we were at home waiting on her birth certificate to be obtained from Russia. Even though she was in an Ukrainian orphanage and considered a citizen of Ukraine, the judge couldn't (or wouldn't, who knows?) issue her a birth certificate. Our facilitator had to make several trips to Moscow to find out how to get this done. There are no specific guidelines, so it's anybody's guess. There just so happens to be someone who does know what to do and many of the facilitators in Ukraine know him. We never knew his name until recently.

We did have cake for Karina and both her brothers once we did finally arrive home with her. While we were in Ukraine waiting on Karina's passport, her brothers had both their birthdays. That's the picture on our blog with all of them with individual birthday cakes.

Karina has had many firsts since being home for 11 months now. That's another anniversary that was a few days ago on March 15. Her year anniversary will be on April 15. I will HAVE to post on that day since I've missed all the other dates.

I'll have to sit down and write all those 'firsts' down so I don't miss any of them and make that another post.

Second Visit

We had the opportunity to host T again. She returned last Wednesday after a two and a half week stay. I wanted to give her a chance to visit with Karina and us. She had shown some remorse when we left Ukraine with Karina earlier this year.

She had a great time with Karina and even bonded just a little with me. She has always been very close to the boys, but not with June or me. This visit she did express a desire to be part of the family, but not enough to totally convince me. She left some things here for us to keep until she returns, and she told others that she was coming back in a few months. Karina said she cried the night before she left, but showed no emotion at the airport the next morning. The whole visit was just a bit stressful.

It is a big decision to turn around and go back to Ukraine. We have discussed it and will have to do just that. T is very immature and she may very well change her mind again. I would love to have T as my daughter. If she doesn't want that, we will bring home another child.
Simple as that.... Right?......Yikes... Where's the Pepto?

Papa