It's almost 5pm on Friday afternoon here and we still have no word on the passport. It's only been a week now, but we were being optimistic. We do anticipate hearing something at least by mid-week.
I had read about orphanage behavior and that children from orphanages are emotionally immature, but it's something else when you experience it first hand! Somedays our twelve year old acts like a two year old. Then in other ways she's older. She is physically smaller than most twelve year olds we've seen or known. I'm not very tall, 5'3, but by the time our biological daughter was twelve, she was getting taller than me. She did end up being about 5'7. I had read that orphanage children are physically smaller also. We decided to adopt an older child because we didn't want a younger child and along with that younger child behaviors. As soon as I think we are making progress, she digresses. I believe part of that is that we are still in her 'environment' She kind of gets the big head, because we don't understand everything spoken in the market, etc, but I do know enough Russian to get by and we got along just fine before she went to the market and places with us. I don't mind her feeling important, but it seems like when she is out around other Russian speakers, she gives us a harder time. When we stay inside our apartment and it's just us, she's usually fine. I thought she would be overwhelmed by all the things she sees and she does take everything in, but it seems like things don't over whelm her. She's never shed a tear about leaving the orphanage, but today (when she was acting like a three year old) she seemed to be trying to appear to be crying.
I've heard that this time is important for bonding, and I'm sure it is, but I can't help but think that once we're home, many, many miles from her orphanage, many of these behaviors will cease.
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3 comments:
Our son is 4, we adopted him at 2. Sometimes he acts 2, he is smart-almost reading. But we know what you are going through! He is still very small even though he has been home for over 2 years. Everything is going along great and then BANG--Back to being two. Cara
It's all part of learning to be a family together, isn't it? :-) I'm sure you weren't surprised at all by what you described, but it's frustrating for you nonetheless. It's still Karina's turf, her language, her customs. I'm not an adoptive parent myself (just a parent) so I cannot speak from experience, but I would imagine the quote from Beth Tu. would be true for others as well: "Even though the actual adoption was in July, I don't really count us as being a true family until I got home with the kids on August 15th. Before that, while we were still stuck in Ukraine with all the passport mess, it was nearly impossible to bond with the kids. They had Russian-speaking people all around them. There was little need to listen to me. Even when I asked my facilitator to tell the kids to stay with me instead of running ahead, he said, "They're kids. Let them run." Everyone called me "Mama," but it didn't seem like many people allowed me to actually BE their mama until we got home. So, for us, "gotcha day" is really the day we got home. That's when I finally felt free to be the mom and the kids HAD to start fully depending upon Steve and I to be their parents."
http://bringmyuakidshome.blogspot.com/2008/02/6-month-update.html#links
I know you were prepared for this, but I also know it doesn't help the feelings of frustration you find yourself experiencing. Maddie did the same thing to us - except on a four year old level. Now, two months home, things are much better. Hang in there. You're right, when you get home things will change. In the meantime, just do what you have to do to try to bond and survive until you get home. ((hugs))
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